I U Don’t

I always said if I was going to have kids I’d have them before 30 or not at all, because I am vain, and heard your body bounced back best before 30. All planned out, I had my first daughter at 25 and my second at 29, just made the cut.

“As protective against pregnancy as a vasectomy, it will last ten years.” Well I thought, “Hell Yeah! Give it to me!” I got the Paragard IUD, after my second daughter was born. I knew I did not want any more children but I just was not ready to cut, burn, tie, my tubes.

What if a girlfriend was ready to have a baby and couldn’t carry? What if some of my gay friends needed a surrogate? I handle pregnancy extremely well, natural births no epidural. I love being a Mom, I just was not about the financial burden of another child.

Shortly after my second daughter was born, my eldest Daughter said to me and her Father, “When do I get to meet my brother?”

I said, “Daddy and I are not having any more kids, sorry, you have a new baby sister enjoy.” My daughter said, “No, not from this Daddy, from the other Dad.”My husband at the time and I looked at each other shrugged and I said, “You only have one Dad, there are no others.”

Well her Dad and I divorced, and I found love again with another man. He had a son. My ex-husband actually said to me, “Do you think this is the brother she was talking about?” And we laughed in wonder at our magical daughter and her prediction.

So, then there were three, three children living with me. My daughters from my previous marriage and my boyfriend’s son. Now I definitely had enough kids! Thank God for that IUD! Four years in and going strong, until…

One night I was driving home from work and I felt weird, pulled over and uncontrollably vomited. “Damn those lemon pepper wings, must not have been cooked properly,” I thought. Went to sleep thought nothing of it.

I woke up in the morning got the kids ready for school, sent them on their way but I just felt off, something just wasn’t right. “When was the last time I had my period?!!? No way, I got my super IUD protecting me I’m just trippin,”

I went home and remembered one of my single girlfriends had come over to pee on a stick a few months before after a wild night of partying that turned out to be nothing. Those tests come in two, I thought, “I’ll just take this quickly it’ll come out negative and my period will come everything will be straight and I was just geeking out for no reason…”


Oh the tears fell like Niagra falls…how can this be? I have an IUD…an IUD dammit! I called the midwife office, no answer.  I grabbed the positive pee stick hopped in my car blubbering the whole way and ran into the office.

“Look at THIS, Look at it!’ I demanded yelling to the front desk girl like a crazy person, “I have an IUD, this isn’t supposed to happen.” The front desk girl looked at me bewildered, “Oh no you are right, let’s take you back immediately this is an emergency.”

They took me back I went through the usual routine of urine sample, and wait. The midwife came in and said she needed to remove the IUD. A piece broke off. An arm of the IUD somewhere inside of me. This was now a high risk pregnancy, one I never wanted in the first place. I called my boyfriend he was strangely calm, this was not in our plan, but he was on board, if I decided I wanted to proceed with the pregnancy.

My boyfriend came with me to the first sonogram, transvaginal. For those of you that have never had one, it’s sort of like a dildo with a camera in it inserted inside you. “Wow a one percent chance of this happening and it did.” The OBGYN quickly turned to him and said, “Um it’s actually less than a .01% chance.”

All looked good with the fetus. They could also see that IUD arm embedded in my cervix. Maternal fetal medicine would later tell me “It can not be removed, It is a part of you now like a bullet fragment from a gunshot wound.” Well as gangsta’ as that made me feel it was not comforting…

We decided after much deliberation to go forward with the pregnancy. Our kids were very excited, and after the shock wore off our friends and family were very supportive. Every time I would go to the midwife office they would ask how the miracle pregnancy was going.

In my 34th year of life, on December 26th, at 2:38 am our IUDon’t was born. Our whole family is totally in love. He brings us such joy. This baby has bonded us as a family more than we ever could have imagined. The best Christmas gift we never knew we wanted. Sometimes you can have all the plans and precautions in the world, and the universe laughs at those plans.  Our family, is laughing with it.






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